31 December 2010

When it rains

You know the saying: 'When it rains, it pours' ?
It does in my life. Quite literally.

It might sound just a little bit weird, but everytime something happens - something you might call life-changing - it always seems to pour with rain. I'm not talking that drippy rain, that splashes in puddles, or the kind that makes your beautifully blow-dried hair go frizzy, but that drench-you-to-your-bones, so-hard-it-hurts-a-little-bit, bouncing off the rooftops kind of rain. Like a reminder to say, 'hey, something really big is happening'. This year it poured with rain a few times. It did, when Mum got cleared of cancer, when L came home from Peru and said he wanted me. It rained when we finally found out we'd got the flat in London, when I decided once and for all - I was leaving my Manchester.

I'm one of those very sentimental people, and I always have been. I used to save all my Easter eggs when I was a kid, keep them safe, unopened, until the chocolate started to go white and my Mum had to throw them out when I wasn't looking, somtime in August. On the last day before my birthday, I would go around the house announcing; 'this is the last time I will eat my breakfast when I am nine', in a theatrical way. Before I went to bed I would whisper to my Mum; 'this is my last ever sleep before I'm ten.' My parents thought I was nuts. On the eve of the Millenium, I made a little box, wrote a letter, popped in a picture, and buried it in the back garden. I've forgotten where it is now, but holding onto time was so important to me, I had made everyone come and watch.

Every Christmas, I used to get a diary from my Great Aunt - one to write stories in, not for the dates. I made promises to write my stories every day. January always started with beautiful handwriting. But by mid February I used to forget a day - sometimes two. By the time March came along, my diary was almost a write off (pardon the pun). I was rarely completely honest, for fear someone might find it. But I did love the way I could keep myself paused in a single moment, forever inked on the paper.

New Years Eve is like this for me. The fireworks boom, the people all scramble for kisses and time seems to hold still a few seconds longer for me.
In those few seconds, the world becomes still and I think of the times it has poured with rain. Of the people who have loved me, and those who have taught me about love. I shouldn't hold on to time, because things naturally change. Life doesn't stop and it can't be held tight, or controlled with my pen. The rain falls, and washes the dark away. Like a new start. A new year. Another day.


  1. Lovely written. I wish you all the best in 2011.

  2. Really lovely. Wouldn't it be great if we could stop the clock and hold on to time occasionally, but then speed it up at others?
    Now you've got the blog I hope you'll carry on writing past February this year!
    Happy new year.

  3. I wish you 12 months of happiness, serenity 52 weekend, 365 days of love, 8760 hours of peace 525600 minutes of success, 31536000 seconds of friendship.
    This is for you, dear Bth.
    I don't remember where I found it. It is a little cheesy but positive:) Happy New Year!

  4. Such a well written post! I'll be reading your blog! Hope you can follow mine as well.

  5. Nice post, All the best for you in 2011.

  6. Lovely post! I wish you a very happy new year and thank you for visiting my blog. x

  7. My thanks to MLS for pointing you in my direction, and my thanks to you for being there and leaving a comment.

    This was a lovely post, made the rain seem to be an element to be cherished.

    Belated wishes for a brilliant New Year.

  8. I'm back again because yours was the second comment to mention 'Blog of Note'Who? What? where and Why?

    I still love your post, by the way.

  9. I am a bit like you and tend to hold on to time, to the memories...somehow, I don't think I'm too good with change...and the diaries...I used to do the same thing...Have a great 2011...

  10. Bth. You're a fast rising star. Lovely post. I did a post last year where I put up some teenage diary entries. I dare you to do the same.

  11. Thank you all for such wonderful comments - I really appreciate you stopping by.

    Starlight - As always, thank you.

    Sharon - We need a TARDIS! Wouldn't that be brilliant. Though knowing me and my driving, I'd take the wrong turn around the galaxy... Happy New Year, and here's too a wonderfully written 2011!

    Olga - How sweet. Very positive! I like you're thinking big. Happy New Year!

    PsyDet, Ian and Toyin - Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving such lovely comments.

    Happy Frog - You're welcome - and a big thank you for commenting on mine!

    Moannie - I do like it when it rains, washing everything clean and new. Two comments - lucky me! Thank you very much for your lovely words.

    Caterpillar - I'm getting much better with change, but it is so difficult, I agree. Hope 2011 is a wonderful year for you.

    Phillip - What a compliment! Thank you, as always. I'm always one for a dare - you're on! :)

  12. I just love this post, wonderful descriptions and reflections. I especially enjoyed reading about you whispering "this is the last sleep before..." It's so vivid I could see the child that did that and the sentimentality in her. The last paragraph is gorgeous as well.

  13. Shopgirl - What a wonderful compliment. Thank you so much. :)